Happy Mothers Day

This Sunday will be one month with Cy.  For one month I have been a mother to a wonderful little boy and I feel so thankful that he came to us. I have had so much time to think about this new part of my life as mother. I will be 36 at the end of this month and lived most of my life all about me, Jeremy and work.  Now I will be mother, wife and then work. I give mothers so much credit. They are strong, creative, patient, creative and amazing people.  I thought a lot about, What Adoption Means to Me.

To me, adoption means that a young girl in Korea did the most selfless act of giving up her son because she couldn't provide the life he deserved. In turn, she has given me the chance to be a mom and made our dreams of having a family come true!  This adoption has opened our eyes to another culture. It has given us a boy who will receive more love then possibly he could have imagined. No preparation or book could of prepared us for our son. Every child is different and Jeremy and I jumped in with both feet to an active and talkative toddler.  I know in the future there will be lots of questions Cy will have and I understand that he may always have this lingering thought of being unwanted. But he will always be kissed to much, loved to much and given all that we have to give. Everyday will be work to make his life the best life he could have. To be patient when he grieves, to be joyous when he laughs, to be understanding when he ask questions about where he is from and supportive of his quest. Someday Cy will look through this journal of our journey and I want him to know how much I love him!

From our family to yours, Happy Mothers Day to every Mother out there! Enjoy your special day with the one's you love!

 Peace and Love

Stylin!

Cy got his first haircut today by my girl Lisa! Wouldn't trust anyone else to do his hair in style!

He squirmed, played with the comb, moved around and everything but not sitting still. 

Here is the outcome! He looks so cute!

Peace and Love!

Rocket Man

Cy seems to be doing better this week! He is laughing, kissing and hugging all the time! Our friends Cam and Kate told me about this rocket game and we picked one up from Learning Express and he LOVES it! It is so much fun to play with him!

End of Third Week

We are coming to a close of week 3 with my baby boy. Each week brings challenges and wins and I know I have sounded pretty negative on the blog, but there has been a lot of great moments.  So at the end of this week I am only going to focus on the wins.

• Cy hugs and kisses us with affection
• He is slowly starting to eat solids; Juk (Korean Porridge), Kiwi, Strawberries, Grapes, some cereals, brats, quinoa just to name a few. I am so excited for the day he actually eats and swallows a meal.  All this food is in like a bite or two except the Juk.
• He loves water! He finally sat down in the bath tub! Whooo!  Plays in the little pool we got him.
• He can use a fork and spoon properly, but he still throws food.
• He loves the ABC song and can say up to G on his own. Plus he goes to sleep every night to the ABC's
• He enjoys tumbling
• He has no fear
• He can say chicken from sound and our chickens. He really likes Peekaboo Barn on my IPhone. Where he is learning animals and how to say them in English and their sounds they make.
• He just learned no, so that is great. ;)
• He loves music! The guitar, piano, drums, any music that plays he makes a beeline. He especially loves Jeremy playing guitar. 
• He can say mommy and look at me
• I feel he is attaching well. He knows who Jeremy and I are and will come to us. Daddy is the fun one and Mommy is comfort.
• His second trial at daycare I pulled up while they were outside and he was being held by a teacher and he recognized our car, pointed to it and reached. That is pretty cool.
• He has the most adorable laugh! I seriously want to record it, it is just so darling. 
• He is very inquisitive.  He is really going to love when Grandpa Jim comes out, I need to tell him to bring techy stuff so Cy can figure it out. 
• I love his thighs, hands, feet...actually everything. I could just kiss and gobble them up.
• He loves to dance, he can go on point and put his arms up like a ballerina. He just loves to walk on is toes.
• He loves riding in the stroller and bike carrier. 
• He is active and really loves to be around family. He really likes Grandma Irene. 
• Jeremy finds it endearing that he pushes us. Meaning he knows he isn't suppose to do something and he will look out of the corner of the eye and giggle thinking haha I AM going to go in the street!

I am going to start being more positive as I feel so grateful to be a mother and that our family is finally complete. I think it can be easy to see what isn't working or the challenges but forget all the great moments throughout the day.  Per Jeremy: We could have just a rough and challenging day and then there will be one great thing that will put all those challenges behind.

Peace and Love

Not Afraid

I found this blog post this morning and have to share. I felt so connected to her as our experiences are different yet similar. If only she lived closer to me...who ever she is.


Loving Him Heart and Soul

As difficult this journey will be I can say that Jeremy and I love our son and we will do everything to show him we are here for him in every way.

Peace and Love!

Grieving...

Last night was a rough one for the Nelson's.  Cy woke up crying out for his Omma. This was the first time he has done this since we have had him. He has had a lot of episodes with grieving but never crying out for her. His grief was so sad to watch. He shook, cried, his poor little body tightening...so afraid.  At times putting his hands over his mouth as if all hope was lost. Watching someone so young grieve like that is so hard. It is hard as adults to grieve when we loose someone we love but we are able to vocalize and understand our feelings of grief, Cy doesn't understand. A positive side he did let us hold him and be near him and Jeremy and I sat there, in the middle of the night being there for our son as he grieved. As he winded down...you know what calmed him, opening and closing the garage door.

There is so much written about grief and adoption. What you should do and how you should handle it, but when you are in it you just kind of do what comes natural.  I think this is one of the hardest parts with adopting is dealing with their grief. Really there are no words I can say to him because he doesn't understand much English, he doesn't respond to going places or anything. We just sit with him, hold him and let him be angry, scared and upset. We talk to him with hopes in the long run it will help. I am surprised at how relaxed I am with him when he is upset. I don't really know what I expected from myself but I was surprised. I do have to say I get a little nauseated when he grieves.  I think because watching this child in so much pain from grief makes your heart ache.  Needless to say once he calmed down it was impossible to go back to sleep.

I feel like we are the only one's who have this situation as in none of our meetings did anyone talk about grieving (except our teacher) and nobody we know has talked about it.  I read stuff online and look around but that is all I can do.  It breaks my heart. The hardest thing was we had to continue on with our plan of getting him ready for daycare and take him in for his 2 hour trial, as we are weaning him into full time by the time I go back to work on May 14th.  He did really well at daycare and that made me really happy! They were playing outside when I picked him up and he recognized my car and came to me with open arms. He was being held by a staff member because he was out of uyu (milk in Korean).  Cy is still mostly on the bottle and taking in formula. He is drinking almost 6 to 8 bottles a day but we can't get him to eat solids. I think he uses his bottle a little bit like a crutch/comfort.  I am thinking of starting to throw food in his bottle so I can start looking that up. He does eat some solids..but not enough for an almost two year old. Hopefully once he starts full time with daycare he will eat more as he will see the other children eating.

Peace and Love