Grieving...

Last night was a rough one for the Nelson's.  Cy woke up crying out for his Omma. This was the first time he has done this since we have had him. He has had a lot of episodes with grieving but never crying out for her. His grief was so sad to watch. He shook, cried, his poor little body tightening...so afraid.  At times putting his hands over his mouth as if all hope was lost. Watching someone so young grieve like that is so hard. It is hard as adults to grieve when we loose someone we love but we are able to vocalize and understand our feelings of grief, Cy doesn't understand. A positive side he did let us hold him and be near him and Jeremy and I sat there, in the middle of the night being there for our son as he grieved. As he winded down...you know what calmed him, opening and closing the garage door.

There is so much written about grief and adoption. What you should do and how you should handle it, but when you are in it you just kind of do what comes natural.  I think this is one of the hardest parts with adopting is dealing with their grief. Really there are no words I can say to him because he doesn't understand much English, he doesn't respond to going places or anything. We just sit with him, hold him and let him be angry, scared and upset. We talk to him with hopes in the long run it will help. I am surprised at how relaxed I am with him when he is upset. I don't really know what I expected from myself but I was surprised. I do have to say I get a little nauseated when he grieves.  I think because watching this child in so much pain from grief makes your heart ache.  Needless to say once he calmed down it was impossible to go back to sleep.

I feel like we are the only one's who have this situation as in none of our meetings did anyone talk about grieving (except our teacher) and nobody we know has talked about it.  I read stuff online and look around but that is all I can do.  It breaks my heart. The hardest thing was we had to continue on with our plan of getting him ready for daycare and take him in for his 2 hour trial, as we are weaning him into full time by the time I go back to work on May 14th.  He did really well at daycare and that made me really happy! They were playing outside when I picked him up and he recognized my car and came to me with open arms. He was being held by a staff member because he was out of uyu (milk in Korean).  Cy is still mostly on the bottle and taking in formula. He is drinking almost 6 to 8 bottles a day but we can't get him to eat solids. I think he uses his bottle a little bit like a crutch/comfort.  I am thinking of starting to throw food in his bottle so I can start looking that up. He does eat some solids..but not enough for an almost two year old. Hopefully once he starts full time with daycare he will eat more as he will see the other children eating.

Peace and Love