Sisters

My sister and I have been through a lot together in our lifetime. We have seen each others ups and downs. However, recently I would say our relationship is at it's best!  I don't know if it is me becoming a mother or what but we definitely have bonded.  I think I spend more time with her then anyone else. I rarely get tired of her and wish that we would actually do more stuff together.

It is funny how strong our bond is.  My sister and I grew up in good old Nebraska. I am not sure how much of that time she remembers but I remember it very clearly.  She was the annoying little girl who would trail behind me, or chase me around and my play mate when nobody was there.  When my mom left my father and we moved to Minnesota we became each others ally and worst nightmare. I think because of our home situation we leaned on each other and I felt sort of a protector for her and because we were kids I couldn't stand her. But it was her moving to Fort Collins that really forged our bond!

I know it annoys her when I can be bossy, but I am just a bossy person. I have always been protective, defender and so proud of my sister. She is truly an amazingly smart, generous, dry humored and loving person.  I couldn't be more proud of all that she has accomplished. I love that we live close to each other and see each other almost every week. She is the first person I talk to every morning. When we are on vacation and don't talk every day there is this void and we both can't wait to chat, complain, laugh or bitch to each other when we get back from our trip.

Recently, with me becoming a mom I feel our relationship has grown so close. She was the only person we wanted to spend our first 72 hours with after bring our son home from Korea. I love going over there and seeing Cy so excited to hang out with his Aunt Jill, Uncle Eric, Grandma and CoCo!  She always tells me we are not friends, but we are sisters...but I feel that she is more then just my sister. I know we will not always live close together and if I had my way we would never be more then a cars drive apart. I cherish this time living close to her, spending time together and watching our kids grow up together. I look forward to our families taking vacations together! I feel so thankful every day that I have her in my life! She IS my best friend and strongest supporter! I love ya Jill!

Reason, Season or Lifetime

I remember this poem from when I was in college and I think about it often.

As I enter this new phase of life I think of those amazing friendships I have had throughout my life and those people who I feel so fortunate are still in my life and those who are there in Facebook...but have moved on. While some are near and far they are cherished and appreciated.


Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Psychology Today...

Well we had our last round of visitors for the rest of the year! Cy has seen everyone and it has been great that so many people want to come and meet the little guy!  Robert and Milly were great fun and Cy really took to both of them and he enjoyed his time playing. I feel so blessed marrying into such a wonderful and accepting family.  We have loved everyone who has come out to visit and meet the little man.

Cy's personality is developing more and more everyday. Recently, his new favorite thing is bubbles in the bath tub. I got a heavy hand last week and put a ton of bubble soap in the tub and it was overflowing with bubbles and when Cy came in to the bathroom a shriek I have never heard came from his lips, "Bubbles." he said. He is loving bath time now and I love seeing him so excited.

He is really starting to eat more food. He still chokes sometimes on certain food but I think that will continue to change. This week we are prepping him that we will be taking the bottle away. I hate doing it as it will be hell for a week or so but it is so important. Our social worker said talk to him about it before we actually do it, so we are starting to talk to him and tell him it is going to be happening. I will keep you posted on how that will go.


Life has been such a whirlwind these past 3 months. So many visitors, doctors visits, learning, growing, crying, laughing etc. You name it we have felt it and been through it. As much as we have loved all of our visitors I am excited for it to be complete. I am excited to just hang out with Jeremy and Cy. I am excited to start seeing our friends and have them get to know Cy and fall in love with him as much as we have fallen in love. 

Fouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur!

We are heading into our 4th month with our little dude! I can't tell you how much I love that kid despite all the hard times.  His personality is coming out more and more and he cracks me up.  I think we are in the toddler testing stage as he will literally throw his bottle in front of him and then cry for "Uyu" which means milk in Korean. If he doesn't get his way, he throws a tantrum. I am totally coming out as the softy in our parenting world. I try and be strong but I hate to see him cry, even if it is manipulative.

Cy is definitely eating more all the time and seems to have a palate similar to ours. We gave up on feeding him toddler type food as all he wanted was what we eat, so I changed our diet. I love to watch him as he is discovering food is fuel and eating more and more and MORE importantly swallowing! He is such a happier kid the more he eats. His language is coming along so well! He communicates and says more words every day. He said his first sentence a week ago, "Grandma look at my truck." I about flipped out I was so excited. I love his voice and laugh it makes my heart melt.

This past weekend I had a break from him and got to sit outside in the beautiful summer Colorado air, listening to Brandi and Ingrid and staring over Denver thinking about my family...which I have! I sat there thinking about how lucky I am to be blessed with a child and a wonderful husband. I am so happy. There is so much more purpose to every day (despite REALLY missing working out). Let me tell you it has been a bumpy road with him and I do not even want to THINK about what it is going to be like when we pull the bottle! But years from now we won't even remember, except all the pictures with his bottle in his mouth.

I look forward to him attaching more and more! He calls us Mommy and DeDe all the time. He is doing more independent play. He is finding things he enjoys. He is loving and giving hugs. I just love the that he is becoming this person. He is so independent too!

I think you kind of freak out when you first get home like, Shit! Where is the rule book. How does this work. What if I break him. What if I mess up! Everything goes through my head!  I just want to be the best parent, mother and wife. I hope along the way I meet some good friends and Cy grows up to be an accepting, loving and caring person. I will do my best to raise him to the best of my abilities. I definitely feel like I have changed in the past 3 months. I feel like everything about has me has been tested. I feel that I am more focused on what is important. I feel that I have mellowed (a little). I feel that I see the world and people through different eyes. I feel that I am a better person for being the mother of Cy.

Peace and Love

Best Invention....EVER!

I was never a fan of the Eye Mask until I brought my son home. It is a life saver! When you have to catch a snooze in the middle of the day to regenerate, the eye mask are the best! I can't believe I haven't used it sooner!!!

Brandi Carlile....LOVE HER!

Brandi Carlile "The Story" At the concert looking over Denver this powerful song made me think of my wonderful husband and everything we have been through in the past few years with ourselves and family.

The song below is called "That Wasn't Me" and just tears. So beautifully written and sung.

 

 

 "Dreams" I loved all the instruments in this song live!

 

Family Pictures

My dear friend Adrienne took these great first pictures of our new family. I wanted to share them with you. Cy had just been home a little over a month. I feel so thankful to have these pictures and be able to always treasure our homecoming! Despite how hard things get and they will, I am so thankful every day for my husband Jeremy and our son Cy.

In the Weeds

We have been making good progress with Cy until last week.  He seems to have reverted back to grieving, wanting to be any place but home, crying for the car and not eating. It can be a little disheartening as we were making such great strides. I think him being sick, again is catalyst for our set back.  I have been around our other friends with adoptive kids and I feel like our situation is so different. I mean I understand we will all have different situations but man this can be rough! 

I just wish Cy would trust we are good for him, will always be here and never leave. If he got that, it would be so happy. One thing can be a game changer; giving him medicine, changing diapers, putting a shirt on, pulling in the driveway...they all can be game changers. I have noticed myself coming to bat with great patience when I see Jeremy break. I think the hardest for Jeremy is giving him medicine. We have tried every sneak attack and finally we just have to use the syringe. He screams and cries with fear and who wouldn't when you are having something shoved in your mouth...but man we have tried spoons, hiding it in drinks, the medicine spoons, bottles, etc. I mean what doctor gives you a prescription for Amoxicillin for 2x a day for 10 days! OMG! I seriously want to cry!

We knew this would be tough and I know in 6 months we will look back and barely remember, but being in the shit is tough. According to our social worker the other few families she is working with are doing GREAT! So what are we doing wrong? He knows we are mommy and daddy, I am no longer worried about attachment but these battles! Is he testing us? Do we hold our ground? Is he really having a set back?

Sorry to be Debbie Downer but I just had to get this time off my chest. It is very cathartic to put the frustrations out there!