Life, Love and Liberty

A friend of a friend on Facebook (funny how that works) recently made a post about toxic people and I found it hitting home as Jeremy and I were just talking about it today.

Part of my own journey toward change has involved recognizing that the power to change lies within myself, and I can’t place blame on any other person for what I choose to do with my life or choose not to do with my life. That being said, my own experience has also shown that the people I surround myself with play a major role in supporting me in my desire to change, accepting the person that I am or dragging me back toward the person that I used to be.

There are different types of people we may have to weed out of our lives if we want to move forward in a positive direction. Keep in mind that I’m not discussing all difficult relationships; some challenging relationships are well worth keeping.

There is no way we can survive in this world by ourselves and I am sure at times that I have been judged as a toxic person and visa versa., but that past few months have made me rethink and as we come out of the trenches...there really isn't many people around. I remember recently watching "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" (don't judge) about a firefighter who was badly burned and his friends who were by his side during recovery.  It made me think who I have lost contact with while I struggled with the challenges and joys of adoption these past few months and REALLY who is close to you.  I mean if people can't empathize with me in this situation...imagine if it was worse or tragic.

Tips of Keeping up with the Friendships/Family (I got this from somewhere on the internet but can no longer find the site.:) ). 

1. A commitment to your happiness A true friend is consistently willing to put your happiness before your friendship. It's said that "good advice grates on the ear," but a true friend won't refrain from telling you something you don't want to hear, something that may even risk fracturing the friendship, if hearing it lies in your best interest. A true friend will not lack the mercy to correct you when you're wrong. A true friend will confront you with your drinking problem as quickly as inform you about a malignant-looking skin lesion on your back that you can't see yourself.
2. Not asking you to place the friendship before your principles. A true friend won't ask you to compromise your principles in the name of your friendship or anything else. Ever.
3. A good influence. A true friend inspires you to live up to your best potential, not to indulge your basest drives.

I hope all of us take the time to feel thankful for the people in our lives, near and far. To take care, hold close and continued growth and understanding of the one's we love.

Peace and Love

PADS

My husband and I can not express how much love we have for our son Cy.  However, I definitely know that I went through a period of minor depression. Nothing serious by all means but I can tell this past few weeks how much better I feel and realized I wasn't myself.

I always knew Cy would be around 22 months or so when we would bring him home but in my mind he was still a baby and not a toddler. Going from no kids to a toddler was crazy! This child can talk, has an opinion, it was crazy! All the books and training were geared toward bringing home and infant. As much as our social worker would tell us to not take his grieving personal, it was hard not too.  I also felt pretty alone, that nobody understood or could relate. Then there was, "my kid is perfect" or "why is he not adjusting ours adjusted quickly." Was something wrong with Cy?

The answer no. I put so much pressure on other peoples opinions and situations that I didn't really LOOK at my own baby. I think one of the biggest problems, while I enjoyed people coming to visit, it put a lot of added pressure on me. So when I should have been trying to figure out being a mother, a wife now that we have a child it was hard enough without having to be "on" and entertain. I don't want people to get the wrong idea, I appreciated everyone coming in to meet Cy but I think in the long run we really should of had people wait. The other difficulty was grieving.

Cy really struggled with the loss of his foster family and it was so painful. I am a control freak and I truly think the fact I couldn't control this was really difficult for me. I loved Cy from the second we got him and bond more and more with him everyday! Bonding and me not attaching to him was never an issue. However, I have to be honest...I had fears. What if he grew up and we didn't raise him right and he retaliated. What if I don't teach him well. It is a lot to raise a good man, will I do a good job? I doubted myself and my abilities as a mother. My husband was great as he told me he always knew I would be a good mother, but would I be? I am sure ALL new moms have these fears. I have to thank our social worker Maggie as she was amazing for me! She was there for me often and after awhile it got easier.  I couldn't have done it without her.

I definitely feel good now but realized in the moment and looking back that I struggled a little. I think the hard part for me is doing it on my own. My friend Sarah (I know we have the same name, both from Minnesota and seriously are SO similar) was great. When I confided in her she was very helpful. I am very thankful for her! She never judged me and completely understood what I was going through. Our conversations made me laugh and realize that what I was going through was actually normal (to a point ;-))

Now coming out I feel so much more empowered and feel that others if they ever go through it don't be afraid to talk about it. I am thankful that mine wasn't severe and I was aware of it.

I did find some great links for you to check out if you want to read more about PADS.

Post-Adoption Depression

First Year Home with your Toddler

Baby Shock

I love this women's blog! I Am Not The Babysitter


Peace and Love

It's Been Awhile

It has been awhile since I last wrote and I have so many great things to talk about!

Cy is attaching and bonding more and more every day.  He has such a beautiful personality that shines through and makes my heart go pitter patter. He is playing independently more and more AND he talks all the time. Half the time I have no idea what he is saying but it can be pretty funny!

Here are some of Cy's favorite things:

• TRUCKS! He loves them! Points them out. Wants to read about them before he goes to bed.
• Airplanes. If he even hears one in the sky he says, "Ooo plane" and points to the sky.
• He loves our neighbor Matt and his dog Bindi
• He is open to trying everything
• He enjoys helping me cook
• He loves Aunt and Uncles Jill, Eric, David, Melissa, CoCo and Owen
• He really enjoys watering the garden
• He is getting better about swimming and being in the pool
• He prefers our Jeep over the Prius. No idea why but he likes riding and playing in the Jeep.
• He loves music! Still and probably always!
• His recent new words (there are a lot) "mine" or "me"
• He loves to climb and pull himself up! We are doing parent/tot at GK to get his gymnastics skills on.
• He is really eating now as he has grown almost 4 inches in 3 months
• He said "home" this past week and put his arms up in the air in his room! This is big because he usually says "home" and wants to leave. I almost cried!
• He loves all his cars that he can ride or scoot around on.
• He loves playing the guitar.
• He definitely mimics all we do which can be entertaining at times. 
• Cy loves the ladies and is a little mac daddy.
• He LOVES Grandma Irene. His reactions when she comes over are priceless. 
• Manchego Cheese
• Chips
• Popcorn
• He can eat spicy food sometimes
• Any "Annies" product he loves!
• Loves Chocolate!
• Cy is super shy and social at the same time.
• He LOVES going to the park and swinging.

Cy doesn't watch TV or really sit still at all!  Sometimes I wish he would just sit down and watch something and it doesn't work. I really shouldn't mind as I love that he plays and likes to be creative but sometimes Mommy needs 5 minutes. I have got him watching Finding Nemo and Spain on the Road Again, etc...

I know for me I am starting to settle in. We met with our social worker yesterday and we talked how things are starting to feel better and flow.  I am starting to get a feel of when he is overtired, or had to much, or hungry, etc...It has taken us awhile to figure all that out. As he is getting more comfortable with us, we are with him and the routine. The reality of there are no breaks, changing how you do everything, planning, organizing, etc...Pretty much all the normal stuff as a parent that you feel and go through. I LOVE being a mother and especially to Cy. As we bond more and more I hate being away from him! He is finally off the bottle! He is eating more and more solids! We are still struggling with sleep (or I should say Jeremy as he does full sleep duty) as he wakes up every few hours. However, he did sleep through the night last Thursday and Friday! Whoo! He will take medicine willingly now too. We feel like it has been baby steps for each hurdle and we are slowly overcoming it.

I see us now trying to reach out to people and hang out more and more. We hung out with friends at New West Fest and people have been swinging by the house. I actually took Cy to a friends house last Friday (it was awful and he literally was all over the place) but the point is that we went out! Jeremy is the resident neighborhood dad, meeting people all the time. Which is great! I love our neighborhood and our town so much! I know we will not be in Fort Collins forever but while we are here we are enjoying all our awesome town has to offer!

Peace and Love!