If you are following this blog closely or know me personally you know that my husband and I are adopting a baby boy from South Korea. In the beginning you don't even contemplate how long the waiting period actually will be for you family. You are told 10 month and believe it. Our wait for our son will be closer to two years, which seems far off the original 10 month plan. In this time my boss has had 2 kids and an acquaintance of ours is bringing her second son home from Ethiopia and they started the process after us. So frustration begins to set in. You feel like the world is moving fast and you are just standing there, watching as it all passes you by. However, I am a believer that everything happens for a reason and these tests will help to shape and define our character. My friend Samira once told me that adoption goes through the same stages as a pregnancy...they are just different. I am finding out that she was right!
Here is my take on Adoption Stages:
First Stage: Choosing where to Adopt
Beginning or the adoption process was exciting. We were finally taking the steps to get our child! We looked into Domestic Adoption, Ethiopia and Korea. At the time we were limited because Russia had closed it's doors, Haiti had just had the earthquake and put a hold on for awhile and China was never an option. After much consideration we went with South Korea because we liked the program. We chose an agency in Berthoud, CO that specialized in South Korean adoption.
Second Stage: Submitting the Paperwork
This was exciting!! I never once felt uncomfortable with the home study process. I have heard from others they felt it was invasive. This to me was just something that had to be done and there was no way around the situation. Our social worker Maggie was great! Very knowledgeable and friendly and made us feel quite comfortable. We then moved on to submitting our financials, FBI background checks, references, notarized forms, etc... We did all this in November of 2010 and we were on our way. I pushed Jeremy pretty hard to get this information completed.
Third Stage: Referral
On December 8th we received the call! Christy from the agency called and said, "Sarah, this is the call you have been waiting for. We have a referral!" I was at work when I got the call and extremely excited. So filled with joy! We made a few calls, but with little hesitation accepted our son!
Fourth Stage: Waiting
This is literally the hardest part. I didn't think it would be hard, seriously what is 10 months but as it has gotten pushed back it gets so much harder. I never fear that I will not love my son immediately. When I took care of my niece CoCo for awhile and that time made me realize that I could love someone so much that wasn't from my tummy. That time in my life really opened my eyes up to adoption. I have different fears that have started to surface. Occasionally I get fears that something will happen and he won't come home. It seems like this unrealistic thing...unable to touch or see. I got worried early in the year when North Korea attacked South Korea that it would go into a full on war and something would happen to our child. I get worried that South Korea will close their doors. How does a country close it's doors you ask? It means that a country is no longer processing adoption applications. If you are already matched you are usually grandfathered in. How will it be when our son wants to go searching for his birth family? Will he love me as his mother? All these emotions run through your head. I want to tell you they are VERY normal. Whether you are pregnant or adopting everyone has fears.
After reading Rebecca Lyn Golds book; Til There Was You - An Adoption Expectancy Journal, she talks about writing a letter to the child and asking friends and family to write letter to your soon to be child. What a great idea! I think this would really help to make Cy coming home more real.
Fifth Stage: Still Pending
This stage to me will be when we get our travel call. I can only dream of that day and can't wait!!!
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