I have been working since I was 14 years old, through high school and college. When I was younger I just wanted to be out of the house as much as possible. Growing up you wouldn't necessarily call my family The Brady Bunch, more like a bad after school special. Between sports and working I made sure that I was rarely home. Jeremy makes fun of me because I bring up this longevity of working from time to time and it drives him a little nuts. I enjoy working and enjoy the success that comes from it. However, with our son coming home soon I wonder how will I be once he is home. There are a few Sarahisms that I contemplate with transitioning to motherhood.
The working mother. Millions of women work full time jobs, raise their kids, volunteer, are in the PTA and even maybe are going back to school to further their education. My mother was a working mom. I remember when we were little going into work with her on Saturdays. We are the children of the 60's feminist movement where women worked really hard to enter the workforce. They fought for the luxuries that we have today, for without them we wouldn't be able to be a CEO. Women stopped wanting to be Holly Housewife. They wanted to make a contribution, to be somebody to stand up and say...I do not just bake Apple Pie! I always admired my mother and her career. When I was younger I never wanted the house with the white picket fence, married and 2.5 kids. I wanted to be a CEO, I learned golf hoping someday that I would be hanging with the boys, learned to drink scotch...you get my point. I have been a working professional for close to 10 years now and as we get closer to our son coming home I think about what I want for me and our family.
By no means am I judgmental to how people choose to live their life, but for me I could never see myself as a stay at home mother. As the time comes closer with our son coming home I ponder what I will do in terms of my career. Currently I work a minimum of 50 hours a week, sometimes exceeding those hours. When I look back at how I admired my mother I also felt that I missed out on having her go to my meets, games, competitions, etc... She worked really hard to provide a good life for my sister and I...but looking back I wish she was there to watch and to be a part of my life. My mother in law told me once (because she left a wonderful job with Pan Am to raise her kids) that she felt that she lost her identity when she stopped working. I can totally understand that feeling. You identify yourself as a certain person who does this or that and for some people...being a mom is a lot but isn't just about you. You are a mom to everyone. You cook, clean, care for the kids and your significant other and you don't get a raise, there is no review to give you kudos and sometimes what you do is looked in a way as "not work."
Being a Domestic Engineer is extremely hard work that challenges one's multitasking skills, time management, patience, problem solving...I could go on an on. However, you do all this and sometimes to no recognition. Let's face it ladies and gentleman...we like recognition and if you say you don't, I call bullshit! So as time comes closer to our son arriving I wonder what will become of Sarah DeBuse Nelson. I have always seen myself as a working mother. I believe in this day and age their are so many more options to be a provider than in the 60's, 80's and 90's. I am not worried about finding that job, I am worried how will I be able to "balance" wife, mother and work.
I think it takes a lot of balance to make work and home life successful. I believe to each his own. You do what makes it work for you and your family. I do though think it is important to gather information and adapt it to your own situation. I personally am not into reading books about how to "balance" your life because everyone's life is different, every person is different and to me "balance" is a tricky and loaded word. We always look at others and think: how does she/he do it? Listen, I don't think anyone does it! They are just better at faking it then the rest of us. If you want "balance" my suggestion is take an acting class.
I know that I am not the only soon-to-be parent or parent out there that has had these thoughts or fears. I would love to hear what nerves other working mothers might of had while waiting for their child, thoughts once they had to go back to work, how you make it work. I thrive on hearing information from others! Until next time...
Peace and Love
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